To anyone who is reading, I want to invite yall into my personal life starting today. I'm actually going through something most people usually refer to as being single however to me it just feels like being alone. I don't know if some of you may feel the same? If so, I invite you to join me on this journey that I will embark starting today, September 26, 2015. So let me give yall a little insight on what is going on:
I'm 20 years old, single and know a guy at work who I assume really likes me. I can see how he pursues me even after I told him twice I really didn't want to be in a relationship. PLOT TWIST. I do want to be in a relationship and he is someone that I've actually started to have feelings for, so what do I do know? Do I just tell him to forget what I said and let him take me out on a date? So that in possibly a few weeks we'd be a couple, then a married couple, then parents?
The answer my friends is no.
God has my future husband for me, I know it. He has my future husband, my future career, my future kids; But sometimes I get really impatient. If you know me, you know that I do not like waiting. You will most likely 9 times out of 10 see me clicking the "end process" button 50 times before it actually ends the process. When I feel like God is taking longer than I want him to, I take matters into my own hands and time after time have ended up back in his arms crying my eyes out wanting to turn back time. "If only I had kept my eyes focused on your promise, on your goodness, I wouldn't be in this situation. If only I had waited on you." So do I really have feelings for this guy? Or is it just that he is the only guy that has pursued me in my whole lifetime?
I am so obsessed with the fact of being in a relationship with someone, someone who loves me, someone I can love. Someone who I can talk to every day and can call my own. Someone who will let me feel safe and give me butterflies every day. This guy at work seems to fit the part. He has the capability of filling the emptiness in my heart that I am looking for. But there is another.
There is another person who has tried out for the part a million times before, but I always seem to misplace the head-shot. The same person who will do all that I am asking for plus infinity. The same person who has the capability of filling that empty feeling in my heart 110% vs. the 20% that my work buddy would. Only one name: Jesus.
I logged into my blog today and read a post that I wrote back in January of this year. In a nut shell i wrote about enjoying my singleness and embracing my relationship with God all in the meantime. Sadly my friends, that has not been the case. I have been so caught up in finding my future guy. "Maybe I will find him here, maybe I will find him there." But we all no things aren't found that way. Have you ever lost something and after 30 minutes of frantic search, still nothing? Then when you're not looking, whoop there it is? I am so convinced that that's God's same tactic with blessings. It's only when we rest in the Lord's presence, enjoying the season that we are in, that he turns around catching us off guard, granting our hearts desires.
"God I wasn't even expecting this now!" I said. "Yeah, that was kind of the point", says God.
God loves to see us happy. He wants to give us what we need and want, but of course there is one condition. No he doesn't want money, he doesn't want a free car wash every two weeks for the whole year. He only requires us to follow him. Drop what we have and follow him. Drop our cares and our worries in his hands and follow him. Trust not only in his process but in his promise and follow him.
I want to enjoy my season of singleness and the only way I can do that is putting my whole focus on God and following him to where he takes me. He will lead me to my future guy someday but for right now I will enjoy being only next to him. If you are stuck in a season that you are anxious to get out of, I encourage to lay it down on the ground and walk with God while spring comes around. Join me as I do the same.
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